Counselor and pastor Robert D. Jones shares wise and biblical next steps in the aftermath of infidelity.
How should you respond to the devastating disappointments that adultery and other forms of betrayal have brought into your marriage? It’s natural to feel a wide range of emotions, including anger, confusion, grief, sadness, jealousy, anxiety, embarrassment, and regret. The consequences of your spouse’s sin cast wide effects on your relationship, family, and future. Counselor Robert D. Jones has walked with many couples in your situation and provides ten steps for moving forward from this betrayal with God-given hope.
My Spouse Was Unfaithful provides biblical principles for handling this betrayal and confronting your spouse, and it offers a guide for working through a potential repentance and restoration process. While God doesn’t promise restoration with your spouse, he does promise to be with you and help you—whether your spouse chooses to repent or not. God can use this experience to draw you closer to him and bring greater good to your life.
Robert D. Jones, DTheol, DMin, serves as a biblical counseling professor and department chair at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, having previously served as a pastor in West Virginia and North Carolina, as well as a professor at Southeastern Seminary. Bob has written several books, including My Spouse Was Unfaithful, Uprooting Anger, Pursuing Peace, Anger: Calming Your Heart,and The Gospel for Disordered Lives (coauthored). His minibook titles include Restoring Your Broken Marriage, Single Parents, Freedom from Resentment, When Trouble Shows Up, Contentment, and Do I Need Counseling?
“Robert Jones, in this wise and compassionate work, helps us traverse the searing pain of marital infidelity. He reminds us that God's grace and God's truth can sustain us in the hardest times. A valuable work both for those suffering from infidelity and those counseling them.”
Thomas R. Schreiner, James Buchanan Harrison Professor of New Testament Interpretation and Associate Dean, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary
“When your spouse has betrayed you, you will be disoriented and overwhelmed. Robert's short book is a wise companion that will be a reliable guide into God's heart for you.”
Edward T. Welch, Faculty and counselor, The Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF)
“My Spouse Was Unfaithful is a timely, encouraging, and thoughtful text on walking through the aftermath of adultery. Robert Jones brings his decades of counseling experience to bear in this book, providing a concrete, gospel-centered, and Christ-honoring approach to responding to infidelity. It is filled with biblical wisdom that seeks to understand the unique struggles of each individual while bringing true Hope to believers. It's a must-read for anyone counseling others through this struggle.”
Kristin Kellen, Associate Director of EdD Studies and Associate Professor of Biblical Counseling, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary
"In the moments after adultery, we scarcely envision a day when marriage can be restored, not to what it was, but to something more, to something only the grace and power of the gospel can accomplish. Robert Jones shows how the Lord Jesus helps you take wise, faith-filled steps in restoring a marriage broken by adultery. I gladly commend this resource to you.”
John Henderson, Associate Professor of Biblical Counseling, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; associate pastor, University Baptist Church; author of Catching Foxes
“Betrayal in marriage is unfortunately a common struggle in churches today. My Spouse Was Unfaithful provides practical, compassionate guidance for those walking the painful path of heartbreak, deceit, and hurt. This book offers sufferers hope, helping us wisely navigate this raw and vulnerable situation by pointing us toward God’s sovereignty.”
Shauna Van Dyke, Strategic Advisor, The Association of Biblical Counselors
“My Spouse Was Unfaithful was written by a biblically saturated pastor who knows how to use the Word of God to minister to others. It is full of honesty, truth, and practical help. This book will guide you on how to both recover and grow to be more Christlike and will also be a useful tool for counselors.”
Ernie Baker, Pastor of Counseling Supervision and Equipping, First Baptist Church, Jacksonville, FL; chairman of the online BA in Biblical Counseling, The Master’s University; author of Marry Wisely, Marry Well
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This is aimed at Christians, who wants to process a spouse’s infidelity in light of God’s word and with a biblical framework, including forgiveness and repentance. He calls us to God given hope, to identify the hardships, pain and temptations faced, and to draw closer to God in the pain. He then explores 10 responses: categorised under responding to God, how to view and treat your spouse, and how to respond to your spouses’ decisions (including how to think about separation and divorce). While all biblical and sound advice, the briefness of the book probably did not really engage fully with the enormity of this task. Some advice seemed to hinge on the spouse’s response, which could be seen as taking away some of the agency of the wronged party. Overall, Jones explores the need for grace, mercy, repentance and forgiveness after adultery - not just between partners, but also with God and with ourselves, with the overall goal being maturity in Christ, whatever happens with the marriage.