Foreword by Edward T. Welch
As a husband, what can you do when you are caught in the prison of pornography use? It might be tempting to give up and give in, but there is hope for your struggle and there is hope for your marriage. You might feel weak, helpless, and powerless to change, but Curtis Solomon points you to Jesus who is powerful and the true source of change. In Christ our great Redeemer, it is possible to find the courage and grace to fight this battle, and your heart and your marriage can be redeemed, restored, and renewed.
In Redeem Your Marriage: Hope for Husbands Who Have Hurt through Pornography, Curtis will guide you through a process to help you understand the hurt pornography has caused and to lament the effects of your struggle on your marriage. But you will not be left without hope—Curtis will help you learn to believe in the forgiveness of sins and Jesus’s power to help turn away from sin and live for God’s glory instead of momentary pleasure. God’s grace and power is what you need to overcome the shame and guilt brought by porn use. His grace will catch you if you fail again, and his love will hold you fast as you seek to glorify him in every area of your life. You will see that true repentance and forgiveness will help both you and your wife move forward toward healing.
This book was written in tandem with Reclaim Your Marriage: Grace for Wives Who Have Been Hurt by Pornography by Jenny Solomon, Curtis’s wife. These resources in the context of mentoring, counseling, or accountability relationships to give biblical direction and hope in the midst of a difficult struggle. The Solomons know the struggle you are going through, but they also know and have experienced the power of the gospel to bring forgiveness, change, and healing.
Redeem Your Marriage includes a foreword by Edward T. Welch.
Curtis Solomon, PhD, serves as the Executive Director of the Biblical Counseling Coalition. He holds a_B.A. from_The Master’s University,_an MDiv, ThM, and PhD_from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is the author of Redeem Your Marriage: Hope for Husbands Who Have Hurt through Pornography. He and his wife Jenny cofounded Solomon_SoulCare._The Solomons and their two delightful sons live in Kentucky.
“Redeem Your Marriage is refreshingly honest and compassionate about the difficulty of the sexual struggles men face. It's honest about how heavily porn impacts wives, as well as both the challenge and the real possibility of genuine and lasting change. Best of all, it comes from an author brave enough to be honest about his own struggle! I highly recommend it!”
Alasdair Groves, Executive Director of the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF); coauthor of Untangling Emotions
“When I teach on human sexuality and its many perversions—lust, pornography, masturbation, and more—you’d think that students would cringe and clam up. Such is not the case, however. The biggest difficulty is knowing how to start the discussion. Curtis Solomon’s book, Redeem Your Marriage, has been forged out of brokenness and is filled with gracious counsel. It’s the ideal starting point for difficult discussions.”
Gregg R. Allison, Professor of Christian Theology, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; secretary, Evangelical Theological Society; author of several books, including Embodied: Living as Whole People in a Fractured World
“The truth is that we all live in a terribly broken world, where men who should protect and care for their sisters instead use and abuse them for their own selfish pleasure. This is the way things are, but it’s not the way things have to be. My brother, Curtis Solomon, knows about this brokenness—he knows about it personally and he knows about it as a man who wants to help others find freedom, health, and holiness. Curtis’s willingness to put himself out there in humility and to fight for holiness is breathtaking and I’m personally so proud to call him my brother. And I’m so thankful for this book. You will be too.”
Elyse Fitzpatrick, Coauthor of Worthy: Celebrating the Value of Women
“The porn plague has gone on long enough! I am grateful that we are seeing more and more excellent resources meant to help men who have succumbed to it and wives who have been hurt by it. I am certain that this new pair of books by my friends Curtis and Jenny Solomon will serve many couples as they redeem and reclaim a marriage that has been harmed by pornography. Those who read these books will find them helpful, challenging, encouraging, and best of all, biblical.”
Tim Challies, Blogger at Challies.com; author of Epic: An Around-the-World Journey through Christian History
“No husband wants to be in the place where this book meets him. Curtis knows this. So if that’s you, be assured that the guidance you’ll receive in this book is the rare kind, characterized by both confidence in the power of Jesus Christ and the humility that comes only from acknowledging personal weakness.”
Jeremy Pierre, Lawrence and Charlotte Hoover Professor of Biblical Counseling & Department Chair, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; author of The Dynamic Heart in Daily Life and When Home Hurts
“Redeem Your Marriage is a helpful guide for both husbands struggling with porn and those who are helping other men. Curtis offers sound, biblical, and practical understanding of this struggle while showing how the corresponding heart dynamics impact every aspect of our lives. In addition, he shows how affection for Christ is the ultimate pathway forward. The appendices are invaluable for pastors to consider issues of abuse, ministry fitness, and divorce related to porn. I recommend this resource for both church members and leaders alike.”
Robert K. Cheong, Pastor of Care, Sojourn Church Midtown; executive director, Gospel Care Ministries; author of Restoration Story and Restore
“This is one of the most important books any married couple will read. Take in these truths and let them encourage you, strengthen you, and challenge you to fight for what matters most: each other.”
Chad M. Robichaux, Founder, Mighty Oaks Foundation
“Curtis and Jenny Solomon have accomplished a unique writing and ministry feat. Their books, written as husband and wife to husbands and wives in the throes of pornography's sobering devastation provide gentle yet sinewy and personal encouragement and guidance. Reading these books felt like sitting with trustworthy companions for couples who need Christ’s courage and hope regarding repentance and freedom from porn and the pain it brings to marriages.”
Ellen Mary Dykas, Director of Women’s Ministry, Harvest USA; author of Sexual Sanity for Women and Toxic Relationships; coauthor of Sexual Faithfulness
“There are many helpful books out there for men struggling with pornography. What makes this book unique is its focus on what repentance looks like in the context of marriage. This book and its companion volume for wives will be my go-to resource for husbands and wives looking to honor God and grow together as they seek to rebuild a strong marriage damaged by porn use.”
Nathanael Brooks, Assistant Professor of Christian Counseling, Reformed Theological Seminary, Charlotte, NC
“Curtis and Jenny have much wisdom to share with couples who are hurting as a result of one partner’s use of porn. I would encourage couples to learn from them how to glorify Jesus in the midst of great hurt.”
Amy Baker, Ministry Resource Director at Faith Church, Lafayette, IN; author of Getting to the Heart of Friendships and Picture Perfect; editor of Caring for the Souls of Children
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Helped me understand much more.
Does the Gospel have any power over pornography? In Redeem Your Marriage, Curtis Solomon offers hope for husbands who have hurt through pornography. Go to God Pornography is a sin against God, but it also impacts everyone in your life. Specifically, I learned about the emotional effects of pornography use. Questions for action, discussion, and reflection are included, as well as suggested resources for further reading. Lament and learning to grieve losses gets a big focus in this book. Ungrieved losses can hinder healing and hope. We can have real lament by remembering that God is still loving. I was encouraged to go to God with concerns, not complaints. We are At War with Pornography Solomon served in the military, and he uses his experience to give support to his book. I learned that the real meaning of repentance is inward change that manifests as outward change. Intellectual, emotional, and volitional elements of repentance are what truly results in a changed life. Fittingly, it is mentioned that we are at war with pornography. Pride, power, and control are some reasons for using pornography. A lack of self-control and deception are accompanying sins. Victory is about your ongoing, daily walk with Jesus. Repentance and Confession The fruit of genuine repentance are the confession and forsaking of sin. Sanctification often involves reconciliation, which occurs over time as love and trust is rebuilt while living life together. We must have God’s perspective as husband and wife go through this together. I was most interested to find help in fighting sin. Admiration of Jesus connects and draws us closer to God. Accountability to our wife as well as our brothers in Christ means that we do not have to fight the battle alone. Amputation means identifying the sources and channels of temptation. Alterations might mean redefining how we see beauty, as well as serving as growing. Fighting on the Home Front I was encouraged to see that we should view our home being behind-the-wire – a safe and temptation-free zone. Appendixes include porn and abuse , ministry after porn and is pornography use grounds for divorce? With open and transparent writing, this book will help you see that you are not alone in the battle against pornography. Our victory is secure in Christ, and we can continue fighting on the home front. I received a media copy of Redeem Your Marriage and this is my honest review.