She's Got the Wrong Guy: Why Smart Women Settle
by Deepak Reju
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The control freak. The angry man. The lazy guy. The unteachable guy. The promiscuous man. The unbeliever. The lone ranger. The unchurched guy. The new convert. The commitment-phobe.
For any woman who has struggled with failed relationships, this may seem like a familiar list. These are the men your friends and family have in mind when they think, “she’s with the wrong guy.” And while the reasons women choose these types of men are complicated and varied, ultimately, they will all let you down.
In She’s Got the Wrong Guy, Deepak Reju offers a different kind of dating book, discussing the types of guys women should not marry and offering biblical reasons why they aren’t suitable spouses. Writing from his years of experience as a pastor and counselor, Reju shares with women his perspective on how to assess a relationship’s strengths from the beginning, how to identify possible pitfalls, and how to have the courage to wait for a relationship that will be a blessing for both of you. Using stories that single women can relate to and highlighting contemporary issues in the modern world of dating, Reju gives readers clear, biblical direction on how to have positive, life-giving relationships with members of the opposite sex.
With a strong, Christ-centered focus, women will better understand why they “settle” for less than what God intends for their romantic relationships and learn to put their hopes and find their happiness in Jesus, not marriage.
Deepak Reju, MDiv, PhD, serves as the pastor of biblical counseling and families at Capitol Hill Baptist Church (CHBC) in Washington, DC, as well as president for the board of directors of the Biblical Counseling Coalition. He is the author of several books and articles, including On Guard: Preventing and Responding to Child Abuse at Church, She's Got the Wrong Guy: Why Smart Women Settle, Great Kings of the Bible: How Jesus Is Greater than Saul, David and Solomon, and The Pastor and Counseling. Deepak and his wife Sarah have been married since 2001 and have five children.
"As a biblical counselor and a woman who didn't marry until age forty-two, I've seen many of my beloved single friends make choices regarding dating and marriage they later came to regret. It's my hope that the heartache experienced by many single women will be averted because of the wisdom Deepak offers in this book. Whether you're a single woman or not, you'll find this book is for you—because it's all about being grounded in Christ."
Amy Baker, Ministry Resource Director, Faith Church; Counselor at Faith Biblical Counseling Ministries; author of Picture Perfect and Getting to the Heart of Friendships
"Deepak has written a much-needed word to single women which is full of biblical truth and wisdom. His wealth of experience has given him the ability to write with understanding and conviction as he encourages young women to pursue Christ, patiently trust God's plan, and depend on his grace while they wait on him. I highly recommend this book full of prudent warnings, poignant examples and godly counsel to single women."
David and Sally Michael, Cofounder of Children Desiring God
"Dr. Reju has turned the topic of dating on its head with this insightful and thoughtful look at who not to marry. As a seasoned counselor and brother in Christ, he walks single Christian women through a methodical process of considering the dangers of settling. Using compelling case studies, Deepak carefully leads them to consider many biblical factors that are sometimes swept away as insignificant while encouraging smart women to be patient in waiting for God's best."
Mary K. Mohler, President's Wife, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; Director of Seminary Wives Institute
"With the wisdom that comes from hours and hours of counseling brokenhearted women, the biblical insight that springs from years in the Scriptures, and the compassion that flows out of the heart of a follower of Jesus, Deepak has written a sensitive and important book for women who want to be married and might be tempted to settle for someone . . . anyone . . . who will take away the loneliness. Sisters, if you're considering who you should date (and ultimately marry), let me encourage you to read this book first and to take Deepak's counsel to heart. He loves the Lord and his words are true."
Elyse Fitzpatrick, Author of Counsel from the Cross: Connecting Broken People to the Love of Jesus
"As I read She's Got the Wrong Guy, I kept thinking, 'This book is like a modern-day book of Proverbs written by a father to his young adult daughter.' Pastor Deepak Reju writes with compassionate gospel-centered, proverbial wisdom relevantly applying God's truth to the vital topic of singleness, dating, and marriage. This is the book that I'll be recommending to single women."
Bob Kellemen, Founder and CEO of RPM Ministries; author of Gospel-Centered Counseling: How to Care Like Christ
"She's Got the Wrong Guy is a wonderful book. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It is very God-honoring, practical, engaging, and convicting. I already know several women who could benefit from this book including my five granddaughters. As a biblical counselor to women, this book is an exceptional resource. I highly recommend it."
Martha Peace, Author of The Excellent Wife and Biblical Counselor
"Deepak Reju's She's Got the Wrong Guy peeks into many kinds of marriage misery. He describes how and why many Christian women choose poorly. Wise single women will read and be grateful for his astute observations and ability to pinpoint why these wrong guys might seem right—and why smart Christian women should avoid them."
Susan Olasky, Senior Writer, World Magazine
"Page by page of She's Got the Wrong Guy is full of convincing and convicting truth. Shared through stories, women will find the content exceptionally relatable. The book precisely conveys what a mature view of relationship should look like and why it desperately matters. It is a book for singles and a book for those in relationship who want solid biblical guidance."
Eliza Huie, Biblical Counselor at Life Counseling Center, Marriottsville, Maryland; author of Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World
"Deepak Reju has given us single women an engaging book full of relatable dating dilemmas and biblical wisdom for help. He identifies common warning signs that are not typically discussed in a Christian book on dating. Whether you're having doubts about a relationship or need encouragement to prioritize God's standards, read this book and share it with others."
Lilly Park, Counselor and Adjunct Professor
"This is a book that should have been written years ago. Gratefully, it's here in time for our four daughters, and you can be sure we will be reading this biblically wise and practical treatment with all of them. Single men, too, might read it to discover the kind of man parents like us pray for daily."
Jonathan and Shannon Leeman, Editorial director for 9Marks
"Tired of waiting for the right man to come along? Weary of delaying 'wedded bliss?' Are you tempted to redefine love so you can accommodate a lesser man in an okay marriage? Don't you dare. The cosmic stakes are too high and your life is too precious to settle for a second-best marriage. If you're looking for the emotional strength to wait well on God's man, my friend Deepak Reju has written the perfect guide in this remarkable book you hold in your hands. I give it a big double-thumbs up!"
Joni Eareckson Tada, Joni and Friends International Disability Center
"This book is important for women who are dating, but it also for their good friends who want to help, for men who don't want to be the wrong guy, and for anyone who loves someone who will be dating. Your pastor will be Deepak. He will speak to you like a father as you carefully consider one of life's most consequential decisions."
Ed and Sheri Welch, Counselor & Faculty Member CCEF; author
"There are very few books out there that deserve the 'must-read' status, and this is one of them. I want all of the single ladies in our church and our daughters to read this book. Deepak's wise counsel is both urgent and timely. Applying the principles in this book will certainly spare a whole lot of people unnecessary pain and lead readers to a greater understanding of what it means to make Jesus the center of everything."
Gloria Furman, Author of Missional Motherhood and Alive in Him
"This now, is the book I'll be recommending for single women who long for marriage. With tough but loving truth, Deepak disciples single women with pastoral care and brotherly protection in one of the best books I've read regarding dating and singleness. Every single man who desires to marry should read it too, as it's a roadmap for transformation into being a godly boyfriend and a Christ-like husband, or not."
Ellen Mary Dykas, Women’s Ministry Director, Harvest USA; author/editor of Sexual Sanity for Women and Sex and the Single Girl