With These Words: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life

Rob Flood
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Every couple knows they need to talk with each other. Every couple knows they need to pay attention to how they can communicate better.

This practical marriage resource by pastor and author Rob Flood not only explores why couples should grow in communication, but it addresses the "how" of communication.

With These Words offers in-depth, theologically rich tools that will also help flourish relationships outside of your marriageÑyour relationship with your kids, your friendships, and your coworkers.

In this Scripture-based marriage book, you will learn that God is for you and on your side as you press toward helpful, biblical communication. In the face of many emotions and obstacles, there is a clear purpose and a clear method for words.

But in the midst of this shift toward communication and biblical change, Flood shares how you can retain your unique personality, remaining as God made you while honoring him with your words.


Rob Flood, MAR serves as a Community and Care Pastor at Covenant Fellowship Church in Glen Mills, PA. Prior to pastoral ministry, Rob served as a writer for FamilyLife, a division of Cru. He is the author of With These Words: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life. He and his wife, Gina, have six children and live in West Chester, PA.

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"Sadly, the kinds of words that often come naturally to us as we navigate our relationship with the most important, most precious person in our lives can be careless, hurtful, and alienating. In this book, Rob Flood applies biblical insight to unhealthy patterns of communication, offering genuine hope to couples who long for a marriage in which words are used to affirm, connect, and bless."
Nancy Guthrie, Author; Bible teacher

"Your words bring life or death to your most important relationships. Healthy communication in marriage is like blood to the body Ð it is the life giver to every marriage. Rob's authenticity and biblical approach to communication in marriage and life will be a fresh, life-giving transfusion for all your relationships."
Dennis Rainey, Cofounder, FamilyLife

"Of any marriage counseling topic, communication is easily in the top three. This is why Rob's book is both timely and timeless. I was struck immediately by his honesty and vulnerability, starting in the introduction and continuing throughout the book. Rob helps couples navigate the difficult path of communication with warmth, compassion, and biblical honesty. I'll be commending this resource to couples for years to come. "
Jonathan Holmes, Executive Director, Fieldstone Counseling; author of Counsel for Couples: A Biblical and Practical Guide for Marriage Counseling

"In a Twitter world, most of us have become way too casual about the words we speak every day. Words have so much power! They can build up a marriage or tear it down. This book will be a turning point for a lot of marriages. It gives us the help we need to know how to use our words wisely and carefully."
Bob Lepine, Cohost, FamilyLife Today

"With These Words serves as a marriage toolbox, providing the tools people need to strengthen a healthy marriage and rekindle hope and inject fresh faith for couples in conflict. This is the marriage book pastors have been looking for to use with their couples' ministry or married small group. With These Words is scripturally rich, theologically grounded, and filled with practical application to make this book a must read for every married couple."
Marty Machowski, Family pastor; author of The Ology, Parenting First Aid, Long Story Short and other gospel rich resources for church and home

"Whether your marriage is happy or hurting, every couple needs help communicating. Rob Flood is a skilled counselor with years of pastoral experience in strengthening marriages. The unique value of this book is its focus on practical application, and the insistence that God's truth must function in everyday marital communication. I can't wait to get With These Words into the hands of married couples in our church and beyond."
Jared Mellinger, Author of Think Again and A Bright Tomorrow

"My recommendation begins with the author. I know Rob Flood. He pastors with me in our church. He has helped me be a better husband and father and communicator. I pass by his office and see married couples sitting with him. Couples who can't resolve their problems because they don't even know how to talk about them. I'm glad they're in his office. Rob helps people change. I've seen it with my own eyes. This book is your opportunity to see it in your own life."
Andy Farmer, Pastor; author of Real Peace and Trapped; council member, the Biblical Counseling Coalition.

"Communication is challenging. Some, however, limit their understanding of communicationÑtheir view is too small. With These Words reminds us that communication is a much deeper issue than we realize. Since our words are an outflow of the heart, every aspect of our heart impacts our communication. That is why prayer is so important. It is why timing is so important. It is why your closeness with Jesus is so important. You will find help for both your heart and for your tongue in this book."
Rob Green, Pastor of Counseling and Seminary Ministries at Faith Church, Lafayette, Indiana; author of Tying the Knot and coauthor of Tying their Shoes

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4 Reviews

  • 5
    Excellent book on communication in marriage

    Posted by Matthew Cover on 05 11 2020

    New Growth Press has published yet another excellent book on the Christian life. This one is specifically on marriage and communication. The title is With These Words: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life by Rob Flood. Flood serves as a community and care pastor, and he is also a married man with six children. Though he by no means claims to have perfected these biblical principles relating to marriage, he is not lacking the experience and wisdom to write a book on this very important topic. Flood divides his book into three sections: (1) Truth for communication; (2) Tools for communication; and (3) Working it out. In section one, Flood provides the foundation of the book by providing the truth of God’s Word on the topic of communication. This section isn’t very long, and is by no means exhaustive. However, it contains some excellent teaching on select passages about marriage and communication. It doesn’t take long to pick up on Flood’s nicely added humor along the way, as well as real life examples to work through. It is also very evident that Flood practices what he is preaching. He sees himself in great need of grace and help from the Lord, so he doesn't come across as a prideful expert who has conquered marriage. He is really humble and tender in his care for the reader. Section two provides the 5 tools mentioned in the subtitle of the book, which are (1) the tool of first response, (2) the tool of prayer, (3) the tool of physical touch, (4) the tool of mirroring, and (5) the tool of proper timing. I found this to be the main course (and even possibly the dessert) as it got into very practical tools to aid communication in marriage. This section of the book provides a great deal of hope! As the reader works through these different tools for communication, Flood is very authentic and approaches this section with reality in mind as opposed to the ideal. For this reason, he addresses challenges and potential obstacles that will accompany the utilization of a specific tool. In other words, he doesn’t simply say “just repeat back what you heard your spouse say.” He walks the reader through the why and the how of this “mirroring”. The last section is essentially an encouragement to keep on putting these marriage tools to use even when things don’t go as planned. Forgiveness, grace, and compassion are all emphasized so that a couple can persevere and continue striving after great communication. I found this book to be a delight to read, and I truly believe that it can be a great resource for marriage! If you’re already struggling in this area of marriage, or you’re engaged to be married and desire to begin learning these tools for successful communication in your upcoming marriage, or you're a married couple who has excellent communication already but wants to be proactive in keeping things great, then this book is for you! I highly recommend it! Disclaimer: My thanks to New Growth Press for providing me with a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased review. The opinions expressed are my own.

  • 3
    3 1/2 stars

    Posted by Loraine Nunley on 03 18 2020

    The subtitle really sums up this book: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life. This book is a good tool to have for building up your marriage. It starts by giving you the issues involved in communication between husband and wife, then gives five specific things you can work on to make communication more efficient. The last section gives examples of these five things in play. Having written a self-help book for marriage, I appreciate the effort and advice that went into this book. The tools are practical and backed up by biblical teachings. I think this is a good resource for married couples and can also be used in general communication with those we love. All too often we are better at communicating with strangers than we are with those we are closest too. This book shines a light on it and gently moves us to change. Full review is at my website: lorainenunley(dot)com Note: I received this book complimentary from the publisher. I was not required to give a positive review. All of the opinions I have expressed are my own.

  • 5
    Marriage communcation that is grounded in the gopspel

    Posted by Wendy on 02 21 2020

    Rob Flood has made a valuable addition to marriage books collection with this focussed look at communication. He starts with his own honest story of bad communication in the early years of marriage, and how God saved their marriage through his grace and the application of communication tools. Section 1 covers the biblical foundation over three shortish chapters. Section 2 gets more practical with 5 tools for communication: first response, prayer, physical touch, mirroring (reflective listening) and proper timing. All are well explained and contain good, solid advice. Section 3 puts it all together- so that couples can “learn how to move forward safely, successfully, and soundly in the will of God”, noting there is never a one-size fits all solution. He returns to the truths of the gospel, and how we are called to live in light of that, challenging spouses to be forgiving and compassionate and have that define their marriage, despite the sin we each bring to the relationship. There are insightful questions to work through at the end of each chapter, which will really help couples apply it and consider their own strengths and weaknesses. Couples who read it together will benefit greatly. Even one spouse who reads it and tries to apply it will find positive change can be enacted. Overall, this is an excellent book, strongly grounding marriage communication in the truths of the gospel and how we are called to use our speech in ways that honour Christ.

  • 4
    An insightful and practical book on communication in marriage

    Posted by Joan Nienhuis on 02 13 2020

    This book has its roots in experience. The Flood marriage got off to a very rocky start, with conflict, misunderstanding and anger. It was not until a breakthrough of repentance that the couple found grace in communication. Flood provides a biblical foundation for marriage, practical tools for communication, and various ways of moving forward with what he has provided. He uses biblical illustrations as well as examples from his own marriage and marriages of others. For me, the most thought provoking part of the book was when Flood wrote of the foolishness of saying “There is no God.” (Loc 501/1987) The foolishness is not in saying God does not exist, but rather, in this situation, at this time, I am going to act and talk as if God does not exist. What foolishness to live any part of life without acknowledging God and His design for my life, my conversation, my actions. I really appreciate this book. Flood has a good method of communicating truth. He notes we must be willing to recognize our own weaknesses and be willing to change. He gives great principles for communication and insightful strategies for living them out. Questions for discussion or reflection are included at the end of each chapter. Food for thought: “Words were designed to give life.” (Loc 336/1987) I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher My comments are an independent and honest review.

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