Relationships: A Mess Worth Making

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Description

Relationships are messy. In this deeply insightful book by Paul David Tripp and Timothy S. Lane, readers are presented with the power of grace to redeem and restore relationships.

Through straightforward language, the authors walk through the relational disappointments we all suffer by offering deep, Christ-centered thought and broad counseling experience.

Relationships dwells on fresh hope and practical answers, exposing deeper issues that keep relationships less than they are designed to be. Christ showed us nothing matters more to God than how we love one another, yet so many of us settle for too little in our relationships.

This invaluable resource convincingly testifies God's power to restore relationships by working within the following:

  • Resolving conflicts
  • Turning tough conversations to positive conversations
  • Expressing and sharing real love that comes from forgiveness;
  • Maturing casual relationships into deep friendships
  • Applauding strengths instead of dwelling on weaknesses
  • Making way for honesty without being mean or unkind

Rather than presenting new or sophisticated techniques to make relationships flourish, the authors instead focus on the basic character qualities that can only be formed in the heart by the gospel.

This book is not a simplistic how-to manual on relationships, offering lists to check off from theoretical procedures based on someone else's idea of a model relationship. Rather, it is about the life-changing work of Christ and the power and wisdom God graciously uses to redeem relationships.

We are called to be people of great character so when we do come in contact with the world, our character shapes and influences those around us. Even though relationships are messy, God uses them to rescue us from ourselves.

Timothy S. Lane, MDiv, DMin, is a minister in the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) with over 30 years of experience in pastoral ministry, counseling, teaching, and executive leadership. He is the author of several minibooks and the coauthor of the books How People Change and Relationships: A Mess Worth Making and the curricula Change and Your Relationships, and Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands. Tim speaks internationally, consults with churches, and writes about the importance of pastoral care.
The Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF) has been teaching people how to understand the wisdom and depth of the Bible and apply its grace-centered message to the problems of daily living since 1968. A biblical counseling and educational ministry located in suburban Philadelphia, CCEF operates a robust biblical counseling ministry in their home office as well as on-site training for others with a heart for discipleship. CCEF also teaches several accredited counseling programs both on-site and through distance learning in conjunction with Westminster Theological Seminary in Philadelphia. As an extension of the local church, CCEF accomplishes its mission through a unique synergy of counseling, training, publications, and conferences.
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Endorsements

"This book is not just another simplistic manual on relationships, offering theoretical methods and procedures for arriving at someone else's ideas of a model relationship. Instead, Tim Lane and Paul Tripp have written about Christ crucified—the power of God and the wisdom of God for redeeming relationships. Destined to radically transform multitudes of families and friendships, their wisdom is based on the Rock, and the Rock is very sound."
Bob Inglis, Member of the US House of Representives, South Carolina's 4th district (SC-4)

"Paul Tripp and Tim Lane bring deep Christ-centered thought and broad counseling experience to their writing, offering fresh hope and practical answers to people in less-than-perfect relationships. Paul and Tim are men who love our Savior, his Word, and the Spirit, so it is with the utmost confidence that I recommend their writing."
Elyse Fitzpatrick, Author and speaker; Director of Women Helping Women

"What a wonderful and helpful book! It will make a major difference in your life and the lives of everybody you love. Read this and you will want to be my friend for recommending it to you."
Steve Brown, Key Life radio broadcaster; author of Three Free Sins and Hidden Agendas

"Lane and Tripp provide us with invaluable help for unraveling the complexities of relating to others. Avoiding trite and complicated techniques so common in other books, these gifted authors remind us that transforming our own hearts is the key to transforming our relationships."
Robert Jeffress, Pastor and author of Second Chance, Second Act

"Apart from loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, nothing matters more to God than how we love one another. So many of us settle for too little—for superficial, safe relationships in our marriages, our families, and our churches. I am so glad that Paul and Tim have written a book to guide us into deeper, richer relationships. I pray we'll have the courage to follow their counsel."
Bob Lepine, Cohost, FamilyLife Today

"Relationships are messy! But Paul and Tim show readers how to clean up their old and neglected relationships to where they sparkle and shine like new. Relationships: A Mess Worth Making is perfect for anyone who's ever had a mother, a father, a husband, a wife, a friend, a neighbor, a dog, a cat . . . ."
Doug Herman, Author of Time for a Pure Revolution and founder of Pure Revolution Conference

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29 Reviews

  • 4
    Great Book

    Posted by Kendall M. Rintamaki on 02 15 2025

    I like books that tells stories - it helps me stay engaged. So, this book not only had a lot of helpful and biblical advice in navigating different relationship as sinful beings; BUT it also has different examples of the advice played out in story which was very helpful for me! Grateful for books written like that.

  • 5
    This is the most influential and impactful Christian book that I’ve ever read.

    Posted by Cassie Paige on 02 07 2025

    This is the most influential and impactful Christian book that I’ve ever read. I didn’t realize I had problems in my relationships and even how I viewed them until I read this book, and I’ve seen so much growth and change in my relationships thanks to the insight that this book offers. It’s practical, and it all ultimately leads us back to the one who makes all things possible for us: Yahweh__

  • 4
    This is a wonderful book EXCEPT…

    Posted by Angela Stephens on 01 05 2025

    I will start with the fact that they quote from The Message rather than a true Bible. THIS IS A BIG NO-NO! Other than that... This book is so rich with insight about a proper view of relationships as God intends. God is opening my eyes to my own selfish tendencies. We are taught by the world to deal with selfish people, give ultimatums, and try to force people to shape up or ship out. The truth is, every heart is selfish and self-serving. We are to struggle to improve our serve. That is where we see Him work.

  • 5
    This book is a gentle reminder of a Grace filled God!

    Posted by Jane Winner on 12 23 2024

    Paul Tripp is an Author worth reading! He is practical and addresses issues with examples that are easy to understand... And he offers Christian advice that is both practical and easy to understand, as well as Scripture passages that speak a Word that reminds us of our need to reflect

  • 5
    Excellent

    Posted by Debbie on 09 29 2024

    Excellent! Worth re-reading again and again, and to study with others. Great for anyone in counseling or mentoring situations.

  • 5
    The best book I've ever read on relationships

    Posted by Dan Campbell on 05 16 2024

    The authors of this book do an incredible job of looking at the real life reality that relationships are messy and difficulty, and provides a biblical perspective through the lens of the bible. The reality is that even for the most devout Christian we can run into difficulty in relationships because we live in a sinful world with imperfect people. This isn't a book trying to address issues from ideal perspectives that aim to make relationships easier, or a step-by-step guide to improve relationships, it is so much more than that. This book talks about God's purpose for relationships (spoiler alert, it isn't to make you happy!) and how it is a sanctification process God uses to draw us closer to Him and make us more like Christ. Relationships reveal how weak our love, mercy, grace, patience, and forgiveness truly are and bring us to the end of ourself, which is a great place to be because that is where we truly begin to rely on God and His strength instead of our own. This book will make you rethink how you view relationships and others in the best way possible. If you're a Christian, go buy this book. You won't regret it.

  • 5
    Practical Book Study on Relationships

    Posted by Clara B on 01 11 2024

    I worked through this book with a friend so we could both grow and be encouraged in the realm of often difficult relationship building!

  • 5
    Great Book

    Posted by Deanna Silva on 08 09 2023

    I have just read the first 2 chapters. It is written very well. Easy to understand. It has already given me some insight about some relationships I have been in, and are still in. I highly recommend this book! It's not only about marriage. It's about ALL relationships. :-)

  • 4
    Helpful as a teaching tool

    Posted by Amanda W. on 02 23 2023

    I thought I would never finish this book. Don’t get me wrong—it is chock full of practical advice and counsel for building healthy, biblical relationships. But it reads like a series of lectures. I honestly think this book is better suited as a teaching tool than as content for casual consumption. One of my pastors recommended this book, and I can understand why—the content is strong and sound. But the vast amount of illustrations and the repetitiveness of the writers’ goals in each chapter just felt like it was poorly suited to a written medium. I think I would have greatly enjoyed listening to this one. So if you’re considering this book, maybe look into the audiobook before purchasing a print copy. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I learned a lot in these pages and will probably reference this book again in the future, but I probably won’t read it all the way through again. It was just a less enjoyable read for me.

  • 5
    Super Great for Relationships

    Posted by Sally N on 01 22 2021

    I like the book for it helps me see how God uses relationship to sanctify us and others, that we should not give up in our relationship with one another in the midst of conflicts, that it is a mess worth making and keeping because Christ Himself entered into a relationship with us. He made a way to establish our relationship with Him so we can grow in and with Him (vertical) and pursue and deepen our relationship with one another (horizontally).

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