In this helpful guide by Vicki Tiede, women are gently reminded to turn toward God and away from despair. When Your Husband Is Addicted to Pornography addresses the struggles women experience when they are shattered, betrayed, and alone.
Writing from personal experience, Vicki Tiede offers daily readings and questions on six important topics: hope, surrender, trust, identity, brokenness, and forgiveness. She helps readers grow in healing and hope in the midst of marriage trials.
By describing one of the "hidden sins" in our churches and culture that destroys marriages, the author offers biblical advice on a workable plan of action.
She shares the stories of twenty-five women who have known this deep anguish, and she helps bridge the gap in the healing journey so many other materials leave out. She comforts readers and refreshingly points hurt women toward the one who calms the raging seas.
Allowing God to meet your greatest needs is a long and learned process, but he promises to help you every step of the way. Questions and daily readings are suitable for both individuals and small groups.
"A porn plague is raging in homes across the world today, and for every addicted husband there is a brokenhearted wife. While there is an abundance of powerful, biblical resources to help men overcome addiction, their wives have largely been overlooked. I am grateful that Vicki Tiede has filled that void. In a book that is sensitive, biblical, and conversational, she comes alongside hurting women as a friend and guides them to the hope and peace only the gospel can give."
Tim Challies, Author; pastor; blogger at Challies.com
"Vicki Tiede's book provides hope, help, and a pathway to healing for women marred by their husband's addiction to pornography. Based on biblical principles, this resource can aid the reader to become a victor rather than a victim."
Josh McDowell, Speaker; best-selling author; Josh.org
"Vicki Tiede has done an extraordinary job of describing one of the 'hidden sins' in our churches and culture that destroys marriages and causes deep anguish. She shares the stories of twenty-five women who have known this pain; and she gives poignant, biblical advice on a workable plan of action. Vicki's willingness to tell her own story makes this book shine with warmth, depth, and renewed hope. If you are struggling with the problem personally or if you counsel people who do, read this book!"
Carol Kent, Speaker; author of Between a Rock and a Grace Place
"There is no doubt that pornography has created a tsunami of personal and relational pain. While culture might suggest that it is normal, the trauma that it creates in marriages suggests that it is not healthy. Vicki brings her extensive experience in Bible teaching to provide hope and healing for spouses who have been betrayed by pornography addiction. Her use of Scripture gently reminds spouses to lean into God's truths: He will provide, protect, and walk along all those who are hurting; you are not alone."
Debbie Laaser, LAMFT; author of Shattered Vows
"When your world is rocked by your husband's infidelity, God can seem far away and Scripture dry. This book will be a breath of fresh air during those days. Having been in that situation, Vicki earns the right to challenge us to turn to the true Source of our hope, strength, and healing. Her blend of hopeful stories, helpful information, and pure Bible study fills a gap in the healing journey not seen in other materials."
Melissa Williams, Women's Director, Pure Life Alliance
"Women whose husbands are ensnared in pornography often live isolated lives, feeling powerless to solve the problem, with few if any good options. Too often they are also burdened by false guilt and feelings of responsibility for the actions of their spouse. Vicki Tiede experienced this in her first marriage, but found healing as she relied on Scripture and the body of Christ. This book tells her story and provides specific helps for women to understand their situation accurately, respond biblically, and rely on Christ and his people as they seek to deal with their husbands with integrity and love. Her thoughtful, searching questions allow readers to explore their own hearts with the Lord. Tiede is honest, compassionate, realistic, faith-filled, and Scripture-saturated. Anyone facing this situation or trying to help those who are should read this book."
Ron Lutz, DMin, Senior Pastor, New Life Presbyterian, Dresher, PA
"This is an outstanding, significant, invaluable, and essential resource for today's women and particularly today's Christian women. (I am confident that men would benefit from reading it also.) Vicki presents hard information in a most gracious and gentle way. She is relational and honestly cares about the women who will be reading. She conveys an earnest desire to be a comforting resource to those suffering with a wounded heart. I recommend this book as a source of comfort, strength, and hope. It is saturated with Scripture and prayer."
Elsie E. Woolf, MA, Board Certified Christian Counselor, National Coalition For Purity
"Heartfelt, restoration, and complete are the words I would use to describe this book. It is by far the most thorough book on helping a woman deal with her husband's struggle with pornography. As I read the book, I could see the restoration happening in women's lives. Each chapter (week) leads you to the next step in getting your life and relationship to God back on track. Vicki's comment at the beginning of the book is, "The purpose of this book is to take you on a journey to discover how your broken heart can become a work of splendor in the masterful hands of God." As a man who has broken trust with his own wife, this book made me realize that it was important for me to see the full betrayal this addiction has on a marriage. My recommendation is that every man who is serious about restoring his relationship with his wife reads this book after his wife has finished it. He will see his pornography addiction in a completely different way, and that will be a good thing."
Brent Barrowcliff, Transparent Ministries, Freedom Begins Here
"Vicki Tiede has come alongside the millions of wives whose husbands are addicted to porn, to bind up their broken hearts and give them hope - as only one who has been there can."
Bob Tiede, Director of Global Operations Leadership Development for Campus Crusade for Christ International
"If you are one of the increasing numbers of women who have discovered their husband losing the battle with pornography, Vicki Tiede gives you an informed, practical guide offering Christ-centered hope and restoration. Be sure to make this book a part of your journey to healing."
Michael John Cusick, Author of Surfing for God: Discovering Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle
"Vicki Tiede guides, comforts, and encourages hurting and heart-bruised wives to 'fix your eyes on the One who calms the storms and stills the raging seas, and find peace in the midst of it all.' I've been refreshed and helped in my own ministry to hurting women by this book which clearly and compassionately points us to the grace of Jesus Christ and the healing power of his Word."
Ellen Dykas, Women's Ministry Coordinator for Harvest USA; editor of Sexual Sanity for Women
"I will recommend this book for women to read. It will serve as a valued addition to therapy, and the thoughtful questions interspersed throughout the book are rich opportunities for exploring feelings, truth, and faith further. The author has an easy to read writing style and has tackled a difficult subject with grace and truth."
Margaret P. Moore, MA, LMFT, LADC, RN, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Experiencing Moore, LLC
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This book is really fantastic as it focuses on a woman's heart and soul entirely and not on the actions of her husband.
This is a helpful book, but it isn't going to do anything to fix your husband's problems. Only the Lord can fix that. But it does get you on the right track for improving your relationship with God, which is really your only hope.
This is an beautiful book that continuously directs you to God's abundant Grace, Peace & Strength that can be found in the midst of sexual betrayal of any form (not "just" pornography). Healing is possible.
This book is absolutely necessary…and I find that saddening. I wish it never had to be this way, but because of sin and sinful hearts in men and women, it is needed. I found this book to be God-centered, Christ-exalting, Bible-saturated, hope-instilling, health-inducing, joy-restoring…I could try more hyphenated words because they fit this book. Vicki found an area about pornography that really hadn’t been explored and mined and she’s struck gold. For too long, the church has simply let women who suffer from the heartbreak and destruction resulting from a husband who has delved into the dark recesses of porn flounder with barely a rope. Now they don’t have to flounder. I love the formatting which Vicki brought to her writing––putting the major pieces into weekly segments for ease of study, journaling and meditation. Moving through key areas which have been trampled, ripped apart and shamed, Tiede helps a woman (or a group of women) find the healing, forgiving touch of Christ. Beginning with hope, surrender and trust, she then moves on to identity, brokenness and forgiveness. I truly appreciated the chapter on identity––finding, grounding, building it in Christ. If only we Christians would get this right from at start, we might not see men addicted to pornography or women who need healing because of that sin. Yet here we are––so grounding one’s self in Christ is the only foundation for wholeness and healing. When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart is set up to be used as a personal or a small group workbook, with each major section having several points with which to delve into God’s Word as well as journal thoughts, discoveries and meditations. While written for women, this would be a “Must Read” for pastors, women’s ministry leaders and lay-counselors. They’ll have an excellent tool to use to better see wholeness in the Body of Christ. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
Pornography is a growing societal problem. Images and scenes that would have been available in only a few select hard to get publications 10-20 years ago are now a normal part of advertising media and primetime television. With the advent easy access to pornography on the internet and a broader acceptance within society, addiction to pornography is rampant both inside and and outside the church. By God's grace, we've seen numerous excellent books focused on helping men find deliverance from this destructive addiction. While books focused on helping men are plentiful, books focused on helping the wives of these men are few. This is a trend that needs to change, which is why I'm very excited about Vicki Tiede's new book When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography. I feel like Vicki is somewhat of a pioneer with this new work and I pray that many will find great encouragement through this book and that others would be spurred on to produce additional resources that will minister to this oft neglected part of the pornography addiction equation. When your Husband is Addicted to Pornography is a book that can be worked through little by little, one day at a time. It is designed to be read over the course of six weeks, focusing on the following themes: *hope *surrender *trust *identity *brokenness *forgiveness As a new theme is unpacked each week, you'll encounter stories from Vicki and other women who have walked this road, encouragement from scripture, suggested prayers, and reflection questions. As you read the book, I'd recommend keeping a journal handy, so you can take notes and write out your answers to the questions found in each chapter. I was glad that Vicki discusses divorce in the introduction to the book. While in her particular circumstance, her first marriage ended in divorce, she is by no means painting the picture that this is prescriptive for others or in any way ideal. Here's what she says: "God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16 NIV), and I have never met anyone who has gone through a divorce who doesn't agree with God on this one. It is God's desire that every heart and marriage be restored (Job 22:23). Some issues may make a marriage irreconcilable, but the purpose of this book is not to point you in that direction. Rather, it is to point you to the One who can bring about restoration and reconciliation." (p. xi) Readers will also want to take note of the additional resources listed in appendix a. It's chock full of many of the best books, websites and ministries that can help you and your husband as you journey towards recovery and healing. So who needs to read this book? I'd recommend it for every woman who has been affected by their husband's secret addiction to lust, masturbation, and pornography. The format of the book would make it ideal for use in a small group. I could also see Christian counselors making good use of this book as they minister to the wives of husbands steeped in addiction to pornography. I would also recommend this book to men who have been delivered from addiction to pornography. God will use this book to remind you of what He delivered you from and equip you to minister to other men and women, who are at an earlier stage of their journey to recovery. I can't recommend this book highly enough. Buy it, read it, share it. It's just that good! My rating is 5 out of 5 stars. About the Author: Vicki Tiede, MEd, MMin, is a Bible teacher; conference speaker; author of Plug Me In and Let Me Charge Overnight (2009); and a contributing author for five other books. Her passion is to share God's grace and faithfulness with women through the Scriptures. Vicki transparently relates life experiences that resonate and draw others into a lifelong pursuit of knowing God. Living in Rochester, Minnesota, Vicki is also a wife, homeschooling mom, and women's ministries coordinator at her local church.